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Even Thelma called me Joanie at times in the presence ofa group of card players to distinguish me from her brother.By the end of my fourth month in the camp, three of them in sharedquarters with my namesake, my nest egg had grown to a considerable sumand I was beginning to think that I might continue for another fourmonths at which time I would have enough to enrol in a University,provided I could pass the entrance examination. When I spoke of my plansboth John and Thelma offered encouragement and volunteered to tutor meas I prepared for the tests. The necessary books for this project hadstill not arrived when a glib remark which I made at the bridge tableput me in hot water in a different way.Thelma and Doris, her Bridge partner, were quite offended when Iexpressed the view that, judging from my experience in the cabin, theideal life must be that of a housewife, with little to do and lots offree time to spend as she wished. Both women took issue with my casualstatement immediately. . .I couldn't stop it. It happened like anearthquake. I could hear myself screaming, as if from another room.'I think you came,' he said.'Came?''Came. Had an orgasm. It's like when I shoot.''Shoot?''Yeah, when spunk comes out of my dick; thewhite stuff.''Oh.''What did it feel like?''I don't know. Weird. Frightening. Nice. But I feel sort of empty.''I could help with that,' he said, trying toroll on top of me.'No,' I protested. I knew about babies and thatwhite stuff. I told him so.'I could get some contraceptives,' he said.'No,' I said. 'Don't.'That night, in bed, I did it to myself again. Ifelt very dirty but I couldn't help it. I had to.?????????????????????????? *****Deep down, I knew that I shouldn't see Seanany more. I knew that he would put it in me and that I would be marked as aslag then. It was bad enough what we had already done. I had even put his thingin my mouth once. Yuck! I should stop touching myself every night too. But Icouldn't stop. The feeling of release was.
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